It seems we’re all on a quest to achieve work-life balance, but we don’t often talk about what that means nor how to address it. And if we’re fortunate enough to reach that elusive state finally, how do we maintain it?
A quick Google search for ways to fix work-life imbalance offers many seemingly simple solutions to this modern problem. Ideas such as becoming a list-writer, to schedule time for self-care, to stick to designated work hours, to join a gym, and to manage your finances. But adding tasks to an already-full schedule often doesn’t feel like a helpful solution.
The word ‘balance’ suggests something precarious and fragile – that if any part moves, things topple over. But the reality for all of us is that life is always dynamic and often demanding.
The world’s richest man, Amazon’s CEO and founder, Jeff Bezos has spoken at length on this issue. Business Insider Australia reported he finds the phrase work-life balance “debilitating” because it suggests a competitive trade-off.
Instead of balance, Bezos prefers to look at the energy we bring into the various parts of our lives. If you enjoy working long hours, Bezos argues, and that helps you feel present when at home, then by all means continue. He describes this as work-life “harmony”, not balance. But of course, the reality is not as simple. Studies have shown that even people who love their work can suffer from overwork and burnout.
Self-described “former corporate warrior” and author of Fat, Forty and Fired, Nigel Marsh, points out that Governments and corporations aren’t going to take charge of fixing this for us – we need to take responsibility for the types of lives we want to lead. “If you don’t design your life, someone else will design it for you, and you may not like it,” he says.
Marsh cautions against falling into the trap of “I’ll have a life when I retire”, or in trying to achieve balance within too tight a timeframe by writing a step-by-step prescription for a perfectly balanced day. He advocates approaching balance in a, well, balanced way. Adding a gym workout to a 12-hour work day makes you “a fit office rat”, he says. “It isn’t more balanced; it’s a more fit office rat. What about the intellectual side? The emotional? The spiritual? We have to attend to all of those areas, not just do 50 stomach crunches.”
Experts agree that small things matter – being more balanced doesn’t mean dramatic upheaval. Instead, it means modest investment in the right places to transform our relationships and our quality of life.
Essential in redressing the balance when it’s out of kilter is learning to say ‘no’. Brené Brown is a researcher into courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Brown advocates choosing “discomfort over resentment”, preferring to sit with the temporary awkwardness of saying ‘no’ than living with the resentment that comes from agreeing to something that isn’t right for you.
In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown explores some harmful habits that inhibit our ability to live authentically and in balance. Her list includes:
Talking to your Psychologist can be an excellent place to start; they can assist you with the following:
Achieving work-life harmony isn’t a straightforward path, and nor do the changes we make automatically stay fixed over time as new demands or commitments constantly enter our lives. So try to view setbacks and discomfort as learning opportunities, and identify small openings for action and change. And most importantly, practice the art of looking inward with self-compassion to monitor your wellbeing. We are all works in progress, after all.
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