How Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT Couples Therapy Works

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT Couples Therapy?

EFT was formulated in the early 1980s by Professors Susan Johnson and Leslie Greenberg. The EFT approach to couples therapy prioritises building strong and secure connections between partners first and foremost. It is supported by John Bowlby’s famous attachment research in which he showed that humans have an innate need to feel attached and comforted by a few special irreplaceable others. The goal of EFT is to help couples create a secure attachment. This means having a close, safe and loving bond together and increasing coping and overall stress management for each individual. Securely attached people navigate the trials of life with greater ease than those who are insecurely attached. There is nothing like knowing that a precious loved one has your back to help you to face what life throws at you.

Three Types of Destructive Cycles in Relationships

Often when a couple comes to therapy they are locked into a rigid set of patterns in the way they interact with each other.

Some couples find themselves often falling into angry blaming, attacking and accusing each other.
Other couples find themselves in the much more common ‘demand – withdraw’ pattern. This is where one partner is demanding and protesting the lack of connection, and the other is withdrawing and quietly protesting the implied criticism.
For other couples there is a third pattern still, where both partners feel very distanced and withdrawn from each other, and no-one is attacking or protesting a lack of connection at all. In this pattern things can all feel very polite and peaceful between the partners, but often a lack of emotional connection of any kind, positive or negative.

How Does EFT Couples Therapy Work?

Forget About Learning How To Argue Better or Learning New Sexual Positions

Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, says that

“The message of EFT is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analysing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognise and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. EFT focuses on creating and strengthening this emotional bond by identifying and transforming the key moments that foster an adult loving relationship.” Dr Sue Johnson.

Is EFT Couples Therapy For Me?

EFT is for all individuals and committed couples, whether heterosexual, same-sex, monogamous or non-standard. We assist people struggling with relationship distress, sexual dysfunction, recovery from affairs; as well as family conflict or disconnection. EFT has enormous value for helping families strengthen their attachment bonds and move through conflict.

Johnson, S.M (2011) Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships. Little, Brown Book Group.