Couples Counselling Tips to Improve Your Relationship

Sometimes couples need some guidance to help them navigate challenging times and move forward. The Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model is an evidence-based approach to Couples Counselling that focuses on the emotional bonds between partners.

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About Couples Counselling

The goal of EFT Couples Counselling is to help couples identify and change the negative patterns in their relationship and develop a more secure emotional connection.

The EFT Couples Counselling model offers practical tips and tools to help couples build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. By incorporating some of these strategies into their daily lives, couples can improve their communication, deepen their emotional connection, and find greater happiness and fulfilment in their relationship.

Couples Counselling and the EFT Model

Couples Counselling, also known as Couples Therapy or Relationship Counselling, is a form of psychotherapy conducted by a Couples Therapist that offers a safe and supportive environment where couples can learn practical tools and strategies to help them resolve conflicts, overcome challenges and strengthen their relationship. Couples Counseling can be helpful for couples of all ages and backgrounds, whether in a long-term relationship or just starting.

The main goal of Couples Counseling is to improve the relationship between two individuals. Relationship counselling can help couples:

understand each other better,
learn how to communicate more effectively, and
reduce the negative patterns and behaviours that may be causing tension in the relationship.

In Couples Counselling, the partners work with a Couples or Relationship Therapist to explore the underlying issues causing the relationship issues and develop strategies to address them.

One of the most critical aspects of Couples Counselling is that it is a collaborative process. Both partners are actively involved in the process where the Relationship Therapist acts as a guide to help the couple work through their issues. Couples Counselling is not about blaming one partner or the other for the problems in the relationship but rather about finding suitable solutions for both partners.

EFT Couples Counselling Tips

Identify your emotional triggers

The first step in the EFT Couples Counselling model is identifying your relationship’s negative patterns and understanding the underlying emotions. For example, if your partner often criticizes you, you might feel hurt or angry. By identifying your emotional triggers, you can understand how your partner’s behaviour affects you and learn to communicate your feelings more effectively.
Practice emotional attunement

Emotional attunement means tuning in to your partner’s emotional state and responding with empathy and understanding. This involves active listening, acknowledging your partner’s feelings, and responding in a supportive and validating way. When your partner feels understood and validated, they are more likely to feel connected and trust you.
Express your needs and feelings

The EFT Couples Counselling model encourages partners to express their needs and feelings openly and honestly, without blame or criticism. This helps to create a safe space for vulnerability and emotional connection. This means being vulnerable and open about your feelings and communicating what you want. It is important to be receptive to your partner’s needs and desires and to work together to find a mutually satisfying solution.
Focus on the present moment

The EFT Couples Counselling model focuses on the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. As a result, couples can connect emotionally and work together to address current challenges by staying present.
Learn to de-escalate conflict

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but learning how to de-escalate it constructively is essential. This means avoiding criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and focusing on empathy, active listening, and validation. By de-escalating conflict, you can prevent conflict from damaging your emotional connection with your partner.
Create a secure emotional bond

The ultimate goal of the EFT Couples Counselling model is to create a secure emotional bond between the partners. This means developing a strong sense of safety, trust, and intimacy in your relationship. To do this, it’s important to continue practising emotional attunement, expressing your needs and desires, and de-escalating conflict constructively. When you feel emotionally connected to your partner, you will feel more secure in your relationship and more fulfilled in your life.
Practise active listening

Listening actively means being fully present and engaged in your partner’s words and hearing what they say. It involves listening not only to the words but also to the emotions and underlying needs behind them. It requires putting aside distractions like phones and other devices and focusing on your partner’s words and emotions. When your partner feels heard and understood, they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts and feelings.
Validate your partner’s emotions

Validating your partner’s emotions is critical to the EFT Couples Counselling model. It involves acknowledging your partner’s feelings, even if you disagree with them. For example, if your partner is upset, you might say, “I can understand why you feel that way. That must be really hard for you.” Validating your partner’s emotions can help them feel heard, understood, and accepted helping improve the emotional connection and build trust and intimacy in your relationship.
Take responsibility for your emotions

Emotions are at the heart of the EFT Couples Counselling model. Therefore, each partner needs to understand their own emotions and how they affect their behaviour and communication with their partner. In any relationship, taking responsibility for your emotions and reactions is essential. This means recognising when you are triggered and taking steps to manage your emotions rather than blaming your partner for how you feel. When you take responsibility for your emotions, you become more self-aware and less reactive, which can help reduce conflict and improve communication in your relationship.
Make time for connection

In the busyness of everyday life, it’s easy for couples to get caught up in work, chores, and other responsibilities. However, connecting with your partner, whether going on a date night, taking a walk together, or simply spending quality time talking and listening to each other, is essential. When you prioritise your relationship and make time for connection, you strengthen your emotional bond and build a deeper sense of intimacy and closeness.
Seek professional help when needed

If you are struggling with issues in your relationship that you can’t resolve on your own, seeking professional help is essential. A trained Couples Therapist trained in the EFT Couples Counselling model can provide you with tools and strategies to improve communication, manage conflict, and build a stronger emotional connection with your partner. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if needed – investing in your relationship is always worthwhile.

The EFT Couples Counselling Model

The EFT for couples method is a complex approach that requires a Couples Therapist with training and expertise. Consider seeking the help of a qualified EFT Couples Therapist who can guide you through the process and provide personalised support if you need it. Remember that building an emotional connection and a secure attachment takes time and effort. Therefore, be patient with yourselves and each other as you work through the process of EFT.

Martin Hood is a Clinical Psychologist with a proven track record in producing good outcomes for clients across a broad range of presenting problems, including stress and burnout, anxiety disorders, depression, grief and OCD. He has a special interest in working with executives, business owners and entrepreneurs.

Martin HoodClinical Psychologist, Martin Hood Psychology